Well, the title of this blog post might be a bit misleading. I'm still in China. I've been on the Internet, didn't impose an Internet ban on myself or anything. But it's true that I haven't really been active on book-related stuff in the past month or maybe even two. Yes, work took over nearly all of my waking hours (seriously, I was in the office 12 hours a day during the last two weeks before the Regular Decision college application deadline. I will now severely criticize any and all authors who get any part of the process wrong, or "tweaks" deadlines and notification dates to suit their plot, as I have said many years ago), but it wasn't just that.
Quite frankly, I had a crisis of faith.
It's probably still ongoing. I still catch glimpses of nasty blogger-reader-author-publisher shenanigans on Goodreads, Twitter, on blogs, Facebook... everywhere I turn, something was happening that caused me to lose a little more hope in humanity. That, on top of my "real life" of living in Shanghai, China, set me spiraling into God-knows-what direction. I'm not a city person, and China is currently in a state of trying to figure out its place in the world and in contemporary history, and that apparently involves some moral crises. I seriously contemplated getting rid of a lot of things that I was scared was weighing me down: the social "face" I was trying to keep up on Facebook, Twitter, this blog, even Goodreads. I've barely even answered emails for the past several months. (Sorry about that, everyone who's tried to contact me.)
The trouble is that social media has become such a fixed part of our lives today that it's really hard to remove yourself entirely. So, no, I won't quit the Internet entirely (although that's not completely out of the question at some temporary point in the future), but I've been rethinking my boundaries, what I'm willing and not willing to put out on the Internet, what I'd rather keep to myself. I'm trying to remove as much negativity from my life as possible, and most of the negativity, I've learned, comes from me worrying too much about what others think of me. (Yes, I'm a college graduate and I still feel that way. This is why YA and I will never fully break up.)
This affects--or will affect--my blogging because I am going to take a step back from the networking/negotiations part of it and just do my own thing for a while. I need to get back into the feel of blogging, and I don't want it to become yet again something that stresses me out because of this obligation to this author or that obligation to that publisher. So I'm going to take it slowly. I'll blog when I want, what I want, and I'll stop when I want to also. I'll be online when I want, and I'll not be online when I don't want to. This sort of stuff seems really stupidly basic, but I feel like I've gotten frazzled to the point where I need to lay out these very basic rules for myself in a concrete manner. I'm not looking for acclaim or recognition or notoriety right now, because I'm not in the state of mind where I can take those sorts of expectations, whether external or internal.
So... a tentative wave of hello to you. :)
Good for you Steph! It really is a lot to keep up with in the online world today and it's hard to draw boundaries and not feel obliged to try and keep "face" on the internet. I applaud you taking a step back if you need to... but hopefully we'll still see you occasionally!!
ReplyDelete:)
Good for you! From the summer up until just last month I was kind of sick of all things blogging and the internet. So I dropped my book blog, merged it into one blog, and just now do what I want when I want. And surprisingly have been posting more because of it.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a really smart and strong decision. I'm happy to get to read the blog no matter what kind of stuff you post here! And as someone who's recently sent you an email: PLEASE don't feel any pressure to reply to it. I will completely understand if you're too busy, and I won't be at all offended.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that! I sort-of decided the same thing when I moved to Japan, and at first it was tough, but, in regards to blogging, I find that I now enjoy reading SO much more than before. I had started getting so stressed because of the obligations that I forgot what it was all about. No more of that! I hope that it will work out the same way for you - much luck!
ReplyDeleteGlad to know you will be sticking around. We have similar taste and I always come to your blog for a recommendations .
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Steph! You always have something interesting to say - and I always enjoy my visits to your blog :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your break from "crazy" blogging - read lots! - and come back to us in whatever manner works best for you!
YOU ROCK :)
To be honest, I had the impression that you don't care about what people think of you. You still don't sound like you worry about others' reactions, at least to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're taking time for yourself to relax :) Although I do miss your posts!
I totally get what you mean about the pressure of social networking. I'm glad you're taking some time to figure it all out, and it's also nice to hear from you again. Good luck with it all!
ReplyDelete<333 Love this post and cannot wait to talk about it IN REAL LIFE. WHILE WE DEVOUR PANCAKES.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar crisis (a lot stemming from the same thing...what people think of me) and I barely posted in November and December and really had been quiet on the Twitter front. I think it really helped me to gain some perspective and balance. I know longer find myself caring about a lot of the drama or the politics of blogging that sometime arise. I was feeling really down prior to this and very negative after spending so much time on blogging. My break was the best thing for me. I am blogging in such a peaceful state right now and I LOVE IT. You know how hard I struggle with all that stuff.
AHH I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOUR FACE SOON!!!
GREAT decision! This is exactly how I feel. If reading and blogging is turning into a chore/something that you don't enjoy anymore, then something has to change. This is part of the reason why I don't accept review copies - too much stress! Good luck with it all :)
ReplyDelete*waves back* Happy to see your font, girl.
ReplyDeleteDo what you need to do to take care of yourself! Be good to yourself this year.
ReplyDeleteSo nice to see you, and when you want to blog, I'll want to read. That's about the size of it. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Steph Su,
ReplyDeleteCan you get out of Shanghai? Souzhou is a wonder place to escape to. It is small townish and has some relaxing places there.
Carol
Great post, Steph! I definitely get what you're talking about. I took a blogging break for most of the fall, and while I kind of kicked myself for not keeping up with my review pile, it was the best decision for me in the long run. I was so burnout prior because of all the drama and such that was occurring, and I just didn't have much time to read due to school. It helped me to sort out what I wanted do with my blog, and now that I'm pretty much back for good (for now), I'm loving blogging even more. I've returned to the basics and am doing what I want to do and when with it, which is good for me. Oh, and I worry about what people think of me too, but one of my big resolutions for 2012 is to stop doing that so much in my real life and blogging life. Anyhow, good luck and hello to you too. I look forward to seeing future posts, even if they are a once in a while thing. :)
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ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful and brave, what you're doing. It's so easy to get sucked into all the social media where boundaries become so blurred and fun becomes obligations. Kudos to you for reclaiming that for yourself -- because you should totally do what you want: even if it's nothing. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you'll find the perfect balance for you, and whatever that is, we'll follow you & stick around.
Steph, this is an excellent plan! We really shouldn't be pressured by our blogs. We have to remind ourselves that this is what we do to HAVE FUN. I love your blog and I will be looking forward to seeing whatever you post. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, will send you a postcard again soon! Just need to find time to buy postcards.
I hear you. Your blog should be a joy, not a chore. I took a refreshing break over the holidays and feel recharged. I also only post weekly so that I don't cut into work hours that are for art and writing. I was a bit overwhelmed by 12 hour work days in my first office job and decided that wasn't the lifestyle I wanted. It's important to find a balance that works for you, both on and offline. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to forget why you started blogging in the first place. Every time I feel like reading has become a chore, I know it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate. Kudos to knowing when you need a break and taking one. You're a wonderful blogger, and I'd hate to see you leave the community.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I always enjoy and appreciate what you have to say but you need to take care of yourself first. I hope you will still feel like posting occasionally because I would miss you! Relax and be well. :)
ReplyDeleteBlogging that began as fun needs to stay fun. It's your blog, you run the show so you should never feel tied down to something like this. We love you just as you are so take your break, rework the social boundaries you're comfortable with and feel better :)
ReplyDeleteTrust me, your followers will still be here when you decide to post again.
An enthusiastic wave of hello back to you!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that blogging should bring you happiness and if it's not, it is time to step back and reevaluate.
It sounds like your attitude of doing your own thing is very freeing. I am very happy for you that you are taking control -- you know saying you'll be online when you want,etc. And it's not stupidly basic, I don't know that some people are able to do that.
I'm about 200 blog posts behind in my reader, but when I saw your blog pop up I picked it first. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how similar I have been in the mental state to you. I made some social media/real life decisions in the last month that were a long time brewing. I, thankfully, never really see or know of the drama in the book blogging world, I think because I never really completely became a part of it. I just visit on occasion. ;)
Doing your own thing, what you need to do is the best thing you could decide. It'll help. Immensely. Trust me. I didn't get to (almost) 36 without having to learn that lesson.
I'll be here when you're around though. I miss you!
I understand exactly how you feel. Do your own thing, embrace blogging just because you love reading and you want to share. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel ya on trying disconnect from all the negativity. I need the little breaks from Twitter every now and then because of all the negativity. The tweets that make you want to pull out your hair and say, "None of this even matters! WHY are you people freaking out?" Because I get tired of whiners, Small-Perspective types where I need to just cut myself off. It was particularly hard when I was in Haiti, and I was honestly glad for the really craptacular internet because I wanted to throw my computer across the room the few times I could actually connect to the internet.
ReplyDeleteOoops. That was a bit of a side note, btw.
oh ~ i have been suffering the same crisis of faith :/
ReplyDeleteand then trying to make the same resolution ~ to go with the flow with my blog and let go of the pressure. to keep blogging as a hobby and not as an obligation.
good luck with all your study! i am impressed with all that you do
x Nomes